whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
