Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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