just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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