Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
