Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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