fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
