I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That accounts for only three of the penises
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
