every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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