I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He better not be in your backpack
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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