That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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