so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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