They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
