guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
