dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
