I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
