I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Can I color on your dick again?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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