the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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