Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
