see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
