You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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