The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
