if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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