I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
