Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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