i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
