I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
