hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
