Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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