at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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