i think my mom watched the whole time
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize