i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
