From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
