WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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