no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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