Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize