Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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