he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize