that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
