so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
