I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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