You can't special order awesome
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
