I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize