my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
