: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize