somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
