we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
