6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize