you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
