I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
how drunk are you?
Several
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
