i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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