Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
