FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
