White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
pop tarts are not kleenex
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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