I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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