let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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