that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
