so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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