do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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