My cat gives me a boner
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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