I must be too annoying 4 u.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
