We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize