I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
