My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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