Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
