dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
