I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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