I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
