Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We smell like vodka and hangover
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize