I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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