never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
