Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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