can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
