just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
