i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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