He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
