Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
