I wanna bring you to show and tell
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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