I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
