Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
