i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I cut my penus on the lid.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
