Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
