yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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