I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
