I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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