Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
