I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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