OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
