So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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