Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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