There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
