So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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