then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
