ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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