I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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