I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
