dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Boobs are out for the taking
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
