Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
