i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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