sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
