Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
