..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize