You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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