Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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