i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
