Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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