why didn't you poke me back
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
