you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
