We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
