direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
As shirtless as possible
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
