I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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