there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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