got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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