then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
