you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
