saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Vodka?
Forever.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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