I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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