I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
