Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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