Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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