if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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