I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
